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<P>5 Favors People Love to Offer That No One Wants I've written about people you meet in hell and people who deserve to die for everyday crimes against humanity y'know, like eating pungent food on public transportation. But today's column is about people who attempt to make this world a better place with their tiny acts of human kindness . and why I hate them. Yeah, I'm difficult to love. Actually, hate's too strong a word. The point is, even though we generally like it when people <B><a href="http://www.valentinoshoesvip.com/">valentino shoes online</a></B> do nice things for us, there are some favors no one really wants. It's a wonderful way of saying, "Hey there, tiger. Here ya go! Please benefit from the fruit of my labor as you journey from one location to another." Some sociologists say the tradition of holding a door open for a fellow pedestrian started in ancient Rome, when centurions would use it as a training exercise to build wrist dexterity and foster teamwork. OK, one sociologist says that. Well, actually just some guy I met at the bus stop who once took a sociology class. Fine.</P> <P>But no one likes it when you hold a door open for someone who's like 30 feet away. All it does is create 15 seconds of awkward. A door comes into view somewhere on the horizon, you make out the faint outline of a traveler far ahead of you and then light emerges from the next room as he opens the door to enter. Surely the door will close behind him, but wait, what's this? The door it's staying open and he's not entering. He couldn't be waiting for you you're like still 20 strides away. Good Lord, he is. Wait. Do you know this guy? Is it your dad? No, it's just a complete stranger staring at you. And waiting. Don't rush, he says. Take your time. But you quicken your pace.</P> <P>4. Offering to Go With <B><a href="http://www.valentinoshoesvip.com/">valentino</a></B> You, if You Can Just Wait for Like Five Minutes </P> <P>It's typically a lovely gesture to offer companionship to someone riding solo. "Hey there, tiger," you say (because apparently you call everyone tiger), "I can come with you!" What better present than giving the gift of you! No <B><a href="http://www.valentinoshoesvip.com/">cheap valentino shoes</a></B> need to travel alone, good friend. We shall walk side by side along this road of life!Still not relevant.</P> <P>But no one likes it when your offer of companionship comes with a delay. "Oh, you're going to Starbucks for a cup of coffee? I'll go with you . just give me like five minutes." No. No, I will not give you five minutes. Why? Because despite carrying giant buckets of selfloathing, most of us can stand to be alone with ourselves for the 3.8 minutes it takes to go to the lobby and order a venti latte. And we want our venti latte now, dammit. Not in five minutes. Also, it's never five minutes. Not ever.</P>
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